Tuesday, 6 August 2013

EXTREMELY ENGLAND



A satirical story, ‘Extremely England’ is a naughty novella full of farcical fun!

Bobby Saint is in line for promotion. He is widely regarded as Britain’s best policeman, as well as being good friends with Mayor Terrence Thatcher, the man to assign the job of ‘Top Copper’ to whom he believes most suitable. But Harriet Plebb, ex-Big Brother winner and strong candidate to be the next Prime Minister, along with her power-hungry husband, Edwin, a human rights lawyer, has other ideas…


In order to win votes from a certain section of the voting public, the Plebbs blackmail the mayor into giving the job to an unknown candidate of their choice. Due to fear of humiliation and the probability of losing his wonderful wife, the mayor cannot bring himself to spill the beans to his old friend, Bobby.

After some scandalous defamation of his character, the out of favour policeman then has to rely on his hopeless journalist wife, Maggie, and her lay-about brother, Guy, to help him bring down the criminal masterminds and stop the corruption, thus claiming his rightful place at the top of Britain’s Police Force.
Contains rude and crude humour – Not for the easily offended!
‘Extremely England’ is available in Kindle format. Buy it here…
Amazon
http://bit.ly/12DsIsi

JAMS N ROSES

CAN YOU GUESS THE QUESTION?
 
 



Read the Answers and then guess the question:

Answer: A while ago, when toying with the idea of setting up a website to showcase some screenplays that I’d done, I typed in JamesRoss.com (my real name) and discovered the domain name was already taken… by an author! Further investigation led me to find another two James Ross’ who put pen to paper, so an anagram of my name (and a borrowed N) had to do.

What was the question?  Why did you decide on a pen name like Jams N Roses?

Answer: Scream. Shout. Throw things. Sleep (have nightmares). Lift weights (light ones). Promise myself that I’ll never try and write again. No, seriously, there is no one answer for that one. I would say, that leaving your work at the point you are blocked, and then coming back to it after a sleep, or anything else that takes your mind of it, can be the best thing to do. After wasting an hour or so writing next to nothing, I’ve gone back to the computer after a good sleep and carried on as if there was never a problem – struggling to even remember what the problem was, the night before.

What was the question? What do you do when you have writer's block?
 
Answer: It would have been Christopher Hitchens, if he hadn’t passed away, of course. The guy was a legend in my eyes; super intelligent, quick-witted and not too timid to point out the wrong-doers in the world. There are many people alive who know much more than I do, so I’d be happy to meet anyone who could broaden my mind and open my eyes, that sort of thing. They wouldn’t have to be famous, just knowledgeable, honest and kind.

What was the question? If you could meet any person in the world, who would that be?
 
Answer: The USA. Why? I’ve always had something in me that wanted to know more about America. It’s a major player on the world stage, and compared to other parts of the world, can be classed as peaceful. The variety over there also shouldn’t be ignored. It isn’t just the easy option either, because it is English speaking, if that’s what you think! I’ve lived in Spain, I live in France now; I’m not scared of language barriers! I can just honestly say that America appeals to me.

What was the question? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
 
Answer:I’m writing this whilst wearing only my boxer shorts. Seriously, it is uncomfortably hot in the south of France at the moment. The wind isn’t blowing at all and technical difficulties mean there isn’t a functioning fan in the Jams N. Roses household.

What was the question? Tell the readers something they don't know about you?
 
Answer: I couldn’t tell you. I’ve thought about this question many times, probably over thought it, and still got no closer to who would play who. I’d leave that to the professionals. I had a guy talk to Ben Drew (Plan B) at one point, before he really blew up, to play the lead in Get Clean. Ben Drew is a star, but I thought he was too chubby to play a cocaine addict! Turns out he had bigger and better things to be doing anyway…

What was the question? Who would play your characters in the movie version of your book?
 
Answer: My son. Full stop. The little man, just being in my life, is the proverbial kick up the backside that I needed to get up and start doing things in my life. I owe him a lot, and have every intention in repaying him fully.

What was the question? Who inspires you?
 
Answer: Long winded. I started out writing screenplays, and anyone in that game can tell you how hard it is to get noticed. I had good feedback, someone was interested in producing Get Clean, but funding fell through and that was the end of it. Amazon gave my writing a lifeline; it gave me the control I wanted in my writing, without having to satisfy the tastes of an agent or publishing house, not many of whom are keen to take a punt of a new name who writes in a brutally blunt fashion.

What was the question? What was your journey to publishing like?

Answer: Sit down and write. Don’t stop writing until you’ve typed the last full stop and don’t think about going back over your work for at least a week. Then, you’ll see the obvious mistakes you’ve made, as well as general improvements you could make to every page.

What was the question? If you could give any advice to aspiring writers what would that be?
 
Answer: I’m one of the good guys, a single dad, trying to make my way in a foreign country; doing battle with French bureaucracy most days of my life. I’m an honest man, looking around and seeing the not-so-honest being rewarded for their shenanigans, wondering if lady luck will ever step in to relieve me of the struggle of the daily grind. I’m the one with his fingers crossed, which doesn’t always help, when I’m tapping the keys of my laptop, late into the night, hoping that my next book will be the one that takes off and changes the game.

What was the question? Who is James Ross as a person?