Thursday, 23 January 2014


My weekend  guest is Thomas Ryan! He is a very talented author. Oh my bad..I mean story teller!

After I read the synopsis on his book 'The Field of Blackbirds', I was inspired to give him a promo worthy of this B.R.A.G Medallion award winner!
So with all the pomp and ceremony in maginificent splendour, here is my very own Award Ceremony!

In my Versace red gown I step onto the stage. A thunderous applause explodes as I smile and wave to the crowd. The stage lights are hot, the spotlight is blinding and my thong is cutting into my ass, but I graciously step up to the podium, ignoring my own discomfort. I pause and wait for the applause to die down.  
"Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to the BIRDIE Awards!" The crowd whistles and clap. The women are animatedly amused while the men are standing up, nodding in approval. Their ovation takes me by surprise, but I soon realise it's because my left nipple wanted to see what all the excitement was about and peeked out. I adjust my halter neck to cover the little fellow and return my attention to the disappointed crowd. Yes, even the women loved what they saw.
"The prestigious BIRDIE Awards are presented each year to the author with the best bird name referenced in his book's title."
The crowd applause obligingly. I haven't even started the evening and they look bored stiff already. I shake things up a bit.  
"This year's nominees include book titles that the famous author Groucho Marx would remark: 'From the moment I picked it up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter'. Someday I intend on reading it." There is a burst of laughter followed by a generous applause. I look down to check my boobs. Nope, that was all me.
"Other book titles were so bad it made the The World's Most Motivated Postal Workers look like less of a joke." The crowd erupt in rapturous laughter. I call out each title of the nominees in between brief pauses.
"This year's nominees are: How to Resuscitate a Mockingbird. Up At Sparrow's Fart. My Mother-in-law is a Cackling Goose. The Hawks Of Time. The Field of Blackbirds."
You can cut the anticipation in the room with a blunt blade. I decide to drag it out a little...
 "This Author was born in Auckland, New Zealand. He has been a soldier in a theatre of war, traded in Eastern Europe, trampled the jungles of Asia, and struggled through the trials of love and loss; ideal life experiences for a would be author. Schooled by professionals, who have helped him hone his literary skills, he is quickly establishing himself as a skilled writer of thriller novels and short stories. He considers himself foremost, a story teller, a creator who has enthusiastically plunged his psyche into the world of creativity and fantasy. With the reader in mind he weaves colourful characters into the threads of his riveting storylines. Taking readers on a thrilling journey is what motivates him as a writer." The suspense is killing even me....
"Ladies and Gentlemen. The winner of this year's BIRDIE Award is...THE FIELD OF BLACKBIRDS BY THOMAS RYAN!!!"
A big picture of his book appears on the screen behind me. The crowd goes wild!

Thomas steps up to the stage. He waves at his fans as he makes his way to the podium alongside me. He takes the award and I peck the (obviously stunned) winner on his cheek. I rush back stage to adjust my homicidal thong while he waits for the applause to settle and make his speech.
"Thank you very much to everyone who voted for my book title. I am humbled to receive this award" He says. "Writing this book was a very rewarding experience and very eye opening indeed.
When his vineyard manager, Arben Shala disappears in Eastern Europe, ex- special forces soldier, Jeff Bradley, now a vintner, promises Arben’s wife he will find her husband and bring him home. He travels to the UN administered Serbian province of Kosovo and with help from American Morgan Delaney, Barry Briggs an Australian working with the UN and the enigmatic Lee Caldwell an agent for the world’s largest private security firm, Jeff uncovers a criminal conspiracy responsible for a series of bombings across Europe. Ignoring death threats Jeff and Morgan dig deeper and when the shocking truth behind Arben’s disappearance is finally uncovered it sets in motion a chain of events that brings Serbian province to the brink of civil war and NATO troops onto the streets of Kosovo’s major cities. Jeff must now call on his military expertise if he is to keep himself and Morgan alive. My book has been described as a gripping, fast paced thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat, as you continue to flip through the pages of the novel, unable to stop your need to know what is going to happen next. The action and danger is believable and written in a knowledgeable way. This book is great at interweaving international agencies and real life situations into the fabric of the story, creating an unnerving tale that bounces off of the pages as if you were right there running along the streets with Jeff and Morgan.
I was told that I did an excellent job describing the settings, and all of the characters are intricately developed, so that you are rooting for the heroes, and begging for the villains to receive the punishments they deserve. The Field of Blackbirds is an action packed thriller that you won’t want to put down."
Before he can continue the brass band starts playing a tune to cue the end of his speech, as they do at these things. Thomas screams out a big "thank you" and raises the award in the air as he walks off stage.

Join the after party!!


Get your memento of this great night!




Barnes & Noble:


In case you were wondering...After the BIRDIE Awards, my thong won the battle and I was forced to take my chaffed ass home and not attend the after party. Thomas went on to be the toast of the town for several weeks after that with a busy social schedule, but still finds time to write more.